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Why did you try to change, but often in vain?

1, you want change, but you don’t agree with change

Before because of work reasons, coupled with their own hard, often do not eat breakfast or not eat, for a long time, stomach discomfort, sometimes even a sense of pain, so I told myself: to change the eating habits, eat breakfast, to eat on time. However, this is not what the eggs, because the problem is not serious, so he did not really change your eating habits.

After the transfer occurs at once to go to the hospital for gastroscopy. During that time, a worse, and when brushing your teeth in the morning there will be retching, so hurry to go to the hospital for gastroscopy, want to know in detail what happened. Before he heard that gastroscopy is very uncomfortable, I still want to hear at that time: by a bunch of exaggeration guy, if I do, I must be strong with Guan Yu like. True when their turn came to realize that it is what kind of experience: when outside the examination room, which came a burst of exaggerated barfing, have people moving into the examination room after. The mouth is opened, with a probe, chopsticks as thick plastic tube was abruptly inserted into the stomach through the mouth and gut, I instinctively want to vomit, tears can not stop coming out, but no way, only one side to side with Gasping for breath. “Well, I feel like my stomach was brutally raped by a plastic tube.”

After the examination, I said the first sentence is: fuck, I will protect my stomach! Although the test results show that does not matter, but from where after, I began to obediently eat punctuality, and unshakable.

I want to change, just an idea, the idea will only affect the behavior; identity change, is a kind of value, and the values will determine the behaviour, resulting in judgment and action; leadership John Kurt had raised the most effective behavior change mode is “analysis, thinking of change”, but “see – feel change”, so want to from the identity, we need to see, to feel, to experience, and sometimes need to bear some of the pain, it can really induce change.

Suggestions for improvement

Optimization of cognitive mode. Not just by listening and analysis to obtain knowledge and experience, to see and experience to understand the world, there is a commonplace talk of an old scholar words: read books as hangwanlilu, hangwanlilu as reading countless people, in fact, have summed up very well.

Keep the pain. To go to the hospital to see, you will understand the meaning of health; to go to home to see, you will understand what it means to aging; go to the orphanage to see, you will better understand the value of affection; to see more cattle company, you will better understand the outstanding meaning what… Keeping your pain will allow you to stay out of your comfort zone and stay awake and lead to change

In addition, there is a practical skill called “understanding level” in NLP, which can also help to clear up the relationship between desire and identity

2 you’re eager to change, but you don’t know yourself

Have watched a TV show, is about an ordinary guy small Zhao wants to become the star of the story: Zhao family in general, people are not handsome long, but there is a splendid dream to become a star, he wants to be like Tony Leung, like great actor Chen Daoming, so he did not find a job fixed work, but the long-term drift in Hengdian when the actor, but in the subsequent occupation skill testing, Zhao did not show his acting talent and potential. At the end of the program, Xiao Zhao’s mother cried and begged him, want him to return to normal life, but the small Zhao completely indifferent expression that frightening, more heartbreaking.

I had no doubt about Zhao’s determination to change his track through acting, and what I worried about was that he never really knew himself

Life is a race track, we are flying in the car, you desperately to change road and accelerated before, you must first understand the models and their performance, or a throttle, is not easy to run the wrong place, it is easy to damage your car, more serious point, even a car accident.

We can change to trial and error, but can’t put life into a table.

Suggestions for improvement

Let others help you know yourself. Of course, it has to be done by professional people, such as looking for professional career planners or you trusted predecessors, so that they can give you some advice

If you don’t want to trouble others, there are also many online about the character and occupation aptitude tests, they may not be accurate, but it can be in your own lack of understanding of the situation, to provide some reference for you, thus reducing the blind.

The feedback analysis method. This method is the management guru Peter Drucker proposed: when you go to do some important things before, write ahead of the expected results, after the end of things, the actual results and expected results of feedback analysis, find that part of doing good, your strengths in there, but also better the next found themselves also need to learn what, and those habits need to change. This is a very practical method of self cognition.

3 You just don’t have enough persistence

When swimming, my father taught me the basic essentials and some of the details, and help me a period of time, leaving me practicing in shallow water. Although know the essentials and methods, they still don’t start, but because of love, so desperately exercises, then do not know how much sun sun, how much to drink the water in the swimming pool. The day is practice, suddenly, in an instant, I can swim up, feeling like a fly, I know I learned.

Later, I looked at the little friends who learned to swim together, some of them learned slowly, and some of them didn’t really learn. In the final analysis, they did not insist on practice when they mastered the correct method

< > a different book, want to become an expert, do not need ten thousand hours of practice. Although the ten thousand hours is a too absolute data, but it does remind us of the importance of accumulation. The process of change, is actually a cause qualitative change in the process, when you accumulate not, it is difficult to achieve completely change, and find the change successful sense of insight.

Suggestions for improvement

The long-term goals and short-term stimulus combined. For example, you want your daughter to dance, you can’t just tell her that “you can grow up to practice long-term aim to be a dancer” this to yourselves, but also to tell her “you got to the skilled, next week will give you the dress you like to buy” the combination of short-term incentives for her, so she was more likely to stick.

Don’t put yourself as a superman. I’ve seen some people’s calendar, row of the brim, don’t give yourself space, and that battle seems to turn himself into Superman, but this contradiction is that we want to do is unlimited, but our energy is always limited, and when after you drain your energy, you when you want to change something you may not have enough energy to adhere to. Do not regard themselves as Superman, good effort of their own, in order to make it easier to adhere to. Of course, if you really are a superman, that is another story.

4 You want to change, but you don’t do too much

For several years no see big head, a chance encounter, a dinner, dinner, big head said he loves football, he said his most love from the age of fifteen, the team has been Evergrande, he said he wanted to play football with a vision of the future, change your life, he said to his people one of the students dream is to join Hengda, he said that he can live frugally for their own dreams.

When I was moved to tears by the big head, I asked one question: “should you take part in a lot of football games?”

No, big head says

“Never?” I asked

Well, there’s a big head

“Have you ever bought a soccer ball?” I asked again

Big head says: No.

And then I didn’t know what to say

Richard Beck Hudson had proposed the equations describing the change condition of organizational change: D*V*FS > RC, which represents D’s dissatisfaction with the status quo, V represents a vision of the future, FS for further practice (action), RC represents the resistance to change, this equation is also applicable to a person to change. When the D, when the product of V and FS three is greater than the resistance of RC. The change will occur, but their product must be greater than 0, because the basic mathematical principle is X*0=0, no matter how high the other values of any one factor is equal to 0 or close to 0, the change is not possible, through this formula we can more easily understand why big the change is invalid, because his action is 0.

Don’t you change into a gorgeous obscenity.

Suggestions for improvement

Action is judged to change end is “real change” or “false change” of the most important indicators, if you just want to change, but has no change in the action, then go to a change in itself, is not it is not what you think is so important?

As for how to act, I have explained in detail why you know it, but I just can’t do it

5 You just don’t use the right method

In high school, there was a time I was especially afraid of history, the reason is that I don’t remember those days, people, events, meaning. In the eyes of others, that they may be a good patriotic education, to my mind is completely turned into a chaos horror movie plot although, I have tried to change, such as longer time to put the key part of endorsement, copy and so on, but still not what improvement, so the development of history to the back, I just don’t listen to, have been abandoned.

The history teacher later replaced by a beautiful female teacher surnamed Zhao, is not the case, the powerful place teacher Zhao is not her beautiful, but she is able to find them for his memory method: such as A classmates, she would recommend him to use “gejue memory method” for B students, she he would recommend using “in memory”, and to the C students, she would recommend his use of “memory”.

In this way, I also found a suitable memory method, and thus fell in love with the history class, and in a examination, 100 percent of the test paper, I actually got 98 points

From the history to the great change of love hate history, but because the encounter a good teacher, the most important reason is because to find a method of memory, so that the original block changed many barriers are collapsing in a flash.

The greatest disadvantage of not using the method is not that it will make you fail more frequently, but that it will make you “learned helplessness” and lose the courage to change when you spend a long time

Suggestions for improvement

You have to make sure that you’re changing the right way; and in the nodes that are failing in continuity in the change, ask yourself, “did I use the right method?”

When you can’t find the right way for help, is the best choice for you, whether you are by consulting others or through training class charge, or adopt other forms, there must be a better way, waiting for you in the front.

6 Maybe you don’t need to change that much

That brother and sister-in-law go out for something, put the glowing at home to help take care of. Second days, my little niece who served up, brushing time, I found that she is clumsy with my left hand, I thought, and not a glowing impression southpaws.

After washing, I asked her: your little princess, you are in my left hand?

My mother said to me, I want to change, with my left hand, then I will become more clever! Tongtong said to my childish.

Listen to your finished, my mood is very complex, I think: this method will make children smarter, if useful, and how much? In respect of the nature of children and let the children become more intelligent, which is more important? We really need so many get in by every opening change?

Mark Klein Bauer once said: a person is one sign of maturity, understand their body every day of the 99% things for others is meaningless. We need to change, may not need so much change, because some of them did not change, and I think that is important.

By deleting irrelevant changes and retaining important ones, life becomes simpler and more efficient

Suggestions for improvement

Review your changes: are there any changes that don’t make sense at all? Are there any changes that actually have no effect on you? Are there any changes that can be simpler?

The change is very important, but the change is not a panacea, because there are just as important as the change with self cognition, insist on action, understand and know what they have to wait, we are only in the balance on the basis of these, and then use the right method to change, to be able to get to the real growth.

Zen said: borrowed fire, can not shine your heart. I hope you open the door of change from inside to outside, and eventually become the person you want to be


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